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Archive for December, 2009

So are: broken legs, and people vomiting.

Stop showing us pictures and video of these things.  Zinédine Zidane and David Beckham are both very good-looking, but that doesn’t make it okay to show them puking their guts up.  Tim Tebow isn’t very good-looking at all, but I still don’t need to see him being sick.  Just tell me he has a concussion.  You don’t need to prove it.

Djibril Cissé broke his leg very badly a few years ago.  I am still haunted by the image.  Peter Schmeichel actually vomited on the pitch when he saw David Busst’s leg broken.  This should clue you in that no one ever wants to see it again.  Unless that person is sick, in which case tell him to get help.

Compared to this, Paul Collingwood’s dislocated finger is chump change, but I still don’t want to see it as I am browsing a gallery of today’s photos from the Test against South Africa, all unsuspecting.  We’d all much rather see Ian Bell, even if he is all sweaty and disappointed to be out:

Ah, Bellers. Nice innings.

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Everyone makes fun of the Creamsicle Buccaneers uniforms and Bucco Bruce.  This is stupid.  Those uniforms are fantastic.  I mean, have you looked at the current Tampa uniforms?  Their colors are scary El Greco red and “pewter,” by which they mean “the color you get when you eat a bunch of vaguely silverish paint and then are spectacularly sick because paint isn’t good for you.”  At least Creamsicles are delicious.  And their skull-and-swords logo is already starting to look dated, and was never good.  At least Bucco Bruce was excellently absurd, and not merely lazy.  (As a side note: would Bucco Bruce have been an easier sell if Pirates of the Caribbean had come out decades earlier?  Or do those markets overlap less than I thought?)

That logo, by the way, is representative of an unfortunate trend in sporting iconography that’s going to look really stupid in about ten years.  In the same class are the current logos of: the Denver Broncos (what was wrong with a whole horse?), the Philadelphia Eagles (that bird looks like nothing on earth), the Tennessee Titans (seriously, what is that even supposed to be?), the New England Patriots (who knew that tricornes had comet trails?), and the Carolina Panthers.  They look really swish and cybercool now, but, um, so did RoboCop.

The fiftieth anniversary AFL throwbacks have made this–sartorially–a season of unmitigated joy.  The Titans make me miss the Oilers even more.  The Bills look great.  So do the Pats.  The referees are amazingly orange.

Football players shouldn’t look space-age.  They should look like football players.  The NFL should not remind you of the time you watched Starship Troopers. This is part of why it’s sometimes nice to watch the Browns.  Or maybe this is the only reason it’s nice to watch the Browns.  Their uniforms look pretty much like their throwbacks; the colors are “orange” and “brown,” and there are natty stripes on the sleeves and socks.  This is excellent.

Also excellent:

Maybe he looks like a jester. But it's an awesome jester.

Jabar Gaffney, you were totally my favorite that week.

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I am so sorry, Alastair Cook.

I have been spelling your name incorrectly on a consistent basis.  So, in future, I will be sure to write “stupid Alastair Cook.”

I'm so, so sorry.

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Stuart Broad appears to have been vexed about how long the South Africa team took to refer an lbw decision to the replays.  He was, in consequence of the replay, out.

Nobody likes getting out, and this dislike multiplies when one is out leg before.

However.  Even if getting advice from the dressing room to refer a decision is kind of squirrelly, as it is in tennis, it is still your responsibility, Mr. Batsman, not to have your leg in front of your stumps.  Them’s the rules.

Still cute, however.

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He says he won’t be Team RadioShack’s lead rider.

Kit is skeptical, and on reflection I am too.  Because if it turns out that Mr. Armstrong can win, he’s going to win.  I’m not sure how much he cares who wins as long as it’s not Alberto Contador, but he wouldn’t mind, certainly.

But the point of this post is more that Andreas Klöden is awesome and we wouldn’t cry if he ended up as RadioShack’s lead rider.

Seriously, what is not awesome about this guy?

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And now, for former Notre Dame quarterbacks (season’s over, no bowl) who are NOT cute, we present Mr. My Own Fans Like Punching Me in the Face:

Seriously, who styled that hair?

Sorry for ruining your most recent meal, but I couldn’t see that photo and not pass it on.  If only to share the gut-wrenching horror.

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I was watching football this weekend, and talking to a friend who lives in a different city.  During a break for local news, we both heard stories about the Tiger Woods kerfuffle.

Seriously?  Is that the biggest item of national news?  I’m pretty sure there’s a war or two going on somewhere, but I could be wrong.

Mr. Woods crashed his own car on his own property and no one was hurt.  Incidentally, he’s a great golfer.

Wait, no.  Those were the wrong way ’round.

Tiger Woods is a truly great golfer.  Simply astoundingly good.  He made red his own.  It’s a primary color.  Gazillions of people wear it every day.  How did he do this?  By being awesome.

He may have been a minor moron.  Or even a major moron.  Briefly.  If this has any effect on your life, you need to do some serious soul-searching.

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