Perhaps football facemasks are hiding some doozies, and we’re too distracted by horrible tattoos in the NBA, but baseball seems to take the cake in players with hideous facial hair. This is certainly true in the MLB in general, but some combination of topicality and their actually being worse than average has led us to focus exclusively on the Phillies and Giants. So, without further ado, the Not The Swimsuit Issue NLCS Worst Facial Hair Awards.
First up, the “You Can’t Be Serious” award goes to Sergio Romo’s facial monstrosity, which actually manages to trump his mid-season excrescence, which seemed like an attempt to look like an Egyptian pharaoh–and ugly Egyptian pharaoh.
Second, the “You’re Actually Not Serious” award goes to Brian Wilson, who is actually not serious. Really, his beard is kind of awesome. I, for one, hope that he tears it off and reveals its fakeness after the World Series (win or lose–no jinxes).
Finally, we present the “Worst Facial Hair…Squared” award to Jayson Werth, for going from bad to worse. Actually, more like terrible to OH GOD GET IT OFF MY SCREEN.
Annnnd, here’s this:
To wrap things up, we’d like give out some honorable mentions for Worst Soul Patches. First, Raul Ibanez for Worst Soul Patch. There are far too many soul patches out there (read: some), but Ibanez’s is particularly bad. Yes, he looks like a turtle and the craptacular triangular tuft adds some definition to his chin, but it’s just not worth it.
And finally, the award for “Worst Attempt at a Soul Patch,” to Tim Lincecum, because he may be trying to grow one, and it’s also a good excuse to include him in this post. Here’s a picture we found that might have some hair growing below the lip.