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Posts Tagged ‘college’

AND good hands? Crikey.

But whatever, it’s bowl season.  This is totally appropriate.  It is a mark of how little college football I watch that I haven’t noticed this earlier; sorry, I can only give up one day of my weekend for American football.  Maybe it should be Saturday, but right now it’s Sunday, so tough darts, Oregon Ducks and your totally hot wide receiver corps, particularly in the person of Jeff Maehl.

Also, boo to the Oregon football website for having a totally misleading and unattractive photo on their roster page; a friend suggested that “cute Oregon player” would be Jeff Maehl, and I said “ew, no” and spent another fruitless half hour trawling through roster pages, because in fact I wasn’t sure if this guy was an Oregon player at all, maybe Stanford, and maybe someone from the Rose Bowl teams this year, but maybe also OSU from last year…  These are the perils of watching SportsCenter out of the corner of your eye with the sound off.  You will waste everyone’s time.  But at least we found him eventually!  And he is super cute.

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You may have seen that a couple of dancers at Tennessee-Chattanooga were benched for complaining that their shorts were too short. Good for them (actually), and, wow, nice going, Chattanooga athletics (not).

We have cheerleaders and dancers.  Fine.  I think they’re dumb and pointless and incipiently misogynist, but we have them, and we’ve had them for a while, and they’re not going away.  And their prime function is to be cute girls on the sidelines in case the game isn’t worth watching.  (Yes, that is their prime function.  No, they do not lead cheers.  No, it is not a sport.  Yes, you are merely lying to yourself.)

Less blond, still appallingly handsome.

But, even if we have accepted that, we can still draw a line.  Cheerleaders are supposed to be attractive.  This does not mean they have to dress like street-walkers.  And they shouldn’t, because that makes a bad thing worse.  We don’t have to return to Sandra Dee poodle skirts and sweaters, but the USC Song Girls don’t dress like prostitutes, and I think everyone is on board with their vibe.  There are places other than football games to see women take their clothes off, if that’s your thing.

And, hey, sportswriters?  It’s not cool to insinuate that cheerleaders are skanks anyway, so that no one, least of all the cheerleaders themselves, is allowed to complain about the outfits.

In other, way better news, Fernando Torres seems to be less injured and scored two against Chelsea at the weekend, so as a good conduct prize we’ll spot you a photo.

 

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So are: broken legs, and people vomiting.

Stop showing us pictures and video of these things.  Zinédine Zidane and David Beckham are both very good-looking, but that doesn’t make it okay to show them puking their guts up.  Tim Tebow isn’t very good-looking at all, but I still don’t need to see him being sick.  Just tell me he has a concussion.  You don’t need to prove it.

Djibril Cissé broke his leg very badly a few years ago.  I am still haunted by the image.  Peter Schmeichel actually vomited on the pitch when he saw David Busst’s leg broken.  This should clue you in that no one ever wants to see it again.  Unless that person is sick, in which case tell him to get help.

Compared to this, Paul Collingwood’s dislocated finger is chump change, but I still don’t want to see it as I am browsing a gallery of today’s photos from the Test against South Africa, all unsuspecting.  We’d all much rather see Ian Bell, even if he is all sweaty and disappointed to be out:

Ah, Bellers. Nice innings.

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And now, for former Notre Dame quarterbacks (season’s over, no bowl) who are NOT cute, we present Mr. My Own Fans Like Punching Me in the Face:

Seriously, who styled that hair?

Sorry for ruining your most recent meal, but I couldn’t see that photo and not pass it on.  If only to share the gut-wrenching horror.

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So you probably all knew this, but I just found out, and, man, is that ever lame.

As I said to Kit, clearly it takes guts to name your kid “Colt,” because that’s basically hanging a giant sign around his neck that says, “If I do not play quarterback for Texas, my parents might kill me.”  But the flip side of that is: if he actually ends up playing quarterback for Texas, his awesome quotient multiplies.

And, as Kit pointed out, “Colt” is really kind of a name.  And if you’re worried that it’s not, you can name him “Colton,” which is definitely a name and has college quarterback precedent in Colt Brennan.  It’s not like naming the kid “Moon Unit.”

So, fumble there, Mr. and Mrs. McCoy.

Possibly too cute to be named Daniel, but a little goofy for a Colt.

Possibly too cute to be named Daniel, but a little goofy for a Colt.

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Miami (OH) is a joke.

I am so sick of seeing “Miami (FL).”  I don’t even like or know much about real college football, and I know that the Miami you care about is in Florida.

Look, I know Ben Roethlisberger is famous now.  I don’t care.  Lots of players come from podunk schools.  We admire that they have done so, but it doesn’t really change our approach to college football.  I’m not going to start watching Miami of Ohio games.

Come on, ESPN.com.  We are not confused to see just “Miami” in the scoring box.  It’s a bowl game (I realize this means less than it used to, but oh, well).  We’re not idiots.

And Ben Roethlisberger is not even possibly cute, so no photos for you.

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Whoa.  Just.  Whoa.

Although.  It would have been even more hot if he’d ended up, you know, in the end zone. Ah, well, can’t have everything.

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