The Tour is over and we are devastated. To buck us up, we have decided to do an All-Star Team of this year’s riders. It’s not a team we think would win, but it is made up of some of our favorite riders, favorites for reasons of their being awesome. This is a team post, so Dottie’s contributions will be marked with a D, and Kit’s with a K. Pretty self-explanatory, there.
Jens Voigt (left), for being quite possibly the most chipper man alive. Sure, I slid down a large mountain under my bike for a while, and I was bleeding into my skull, but doesn’t it suck that they won’t let me back on the bike on time to do the tour of Denmark? Also, check out my killer tan lines. (K)
George Hincapie (right), because he broke his collarbone and refused to see a doctor so he wouldn’t have to withdraw. He got screwed out of a yellow jersey and was not a little girl. I have never been screwed out of a yellow jersey, but I have broken a collarbone and I have cycled on cobblestones. Both at once seems like the worst thing ever. (D)
Amets Txurruka (left), because he is Basque, and super scrappy, and has a totally awesome name. He had to drop out very late in the Tour because of crash injuries, which must have been miserable, especially after a second place finish into Colmar. (D)
Mark Renshaw (right), because he’s the best lead-out man there is. Being a great lead-out man seems fairly similar to being the excellent and oft uncredited offensive line in front of any great quarterback, except without the benefits of being allowed to weigh 350 pounds. It was great to see him take second in Paris, and I hope Cavendish bought him a lot of beers. (K)
Bradley Wiggins (left), because I like justifying Kit’s claims about my anglophilia, and he had the best overall finish ever by a Briton, which is pretty nice. Also, stage racing isn’t really his thing, so double points there, and he seems not to mind being called “Wiggo,” which makes him a champ. (D)
Andreas Klöden (right), because I heard a lot of complaining out of Astana when Contador inexplicably dumped Klöden in the Alps, but the complaining wasn’t coming from Klöden. In fact, what with all the “Lance is ruining everything” and “Contador hates his team” nonsense, I think most of us missed Klöden’s 6th place finish, which turns into a 3rd if he finishes Stage 17 with Contador and the Schlecks. (K)
Fabian Cancellara (left), because he did not murder Alberto Contador with an axe after losing the final time trial by two and a half seconds, for which he deserves a prize. Also, he is hilarious and adorable and has sweet tan lines, which he very kindly exhibited to us on the final stage. (D)
Christian Knees (right), because his name is Knees. Come on. (D)
Heinrich Haussler (left), for losing it at the Stage 13 finish line. There is little that confirms what is great about sports more than the sight of a grown man weeping for joy upon a victory. (K)
And an Honorable Mention.
Fränk Schleck (right), because he is absolutely selfless, and does not have a silly Tintin tuft of hair coming out the top of his helmet as his brother does. Also because people love the Schlecks, and we are not above strategic name-dropping. And in case you were wondering, we have no idea if he has a girlfriend. (D)
Any glaring omissions? Are you convinced that Christian Knees is not in fact awesome? Let us know!
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