Posted in Dottie, tagged awesome, fashion, football on December 25, 2009|
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Everyone makes fun of the Creamsicle Buccaneers uniforms and Bucco Bruce. This is stupid. Those uniforms are fantastic. I mean, have you looked at the current Tampa uniforms? Their colors are scary El Greco red and “pewter,” by which they mean “the color you get when you eat a bunch of vaguely silverish paint and then are spectacularly sick because paint isn’t good for you.” At least Creamsicles are delicious. And their skull-and-swords logo is already starting to look dated, and was never good. At least Bucco Bruce was excellently absurd, and not merely lazy. (As a side note: would Bucco Bruce have been an easier sell if Pirates of the Caribbean had come out decades earlier? Or do those markets overlap less than I thought?)
That logo, by the way, is representative of an unfortunate trend in sporting iconography that’s going to look really stupid in about ten years. In the same class are the current logos of: the Denver Broncos (what was wrong with a whole horse?), the Philadelphia Eagles (that bird looks like nothing on earth), the Tennessee Titans (seriously, what is that even supposed to be?), the New England Patriots (who knew that tricornes had comet trails?), and the Carolina Panthers. They look really swish and cybercool now, but, um, so did RoboCop.
The fiftieth anniversary AFL throwbacks have made this–sartorially–a season of unmitigated joy. The Titans make me miss the Oilers even more. The Bills look great. So do the Pats. The referees are amazingly orange.
Football players shouldn’t look space-age. They should look like football players. The NFL should not remind you of the time you watched Starship Troopers. This is part of why it’s sometimes nice to watch the Browns. Or maybe this is the only reason it’s nice to watch the Browns. Their uniforms look pretty much like their throwbacks; the colors are “orange” and “brown,” and there are natty stripes on the sleeves and socks. This is excellent.
Maybe he looks like a jester. But it's an awesome jester.
Jabar Gaffney, you were totally my favorite that week.
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