Posts Tagged ‘gross’

You may have seen that a couple of dancers at Tennessee-Chattanooga were benched for complaining that their shorts were too short. Good for them (actually), and, wow, nice going, Chattanooga athletics (not).

We have cheerleaders and dancers.  Fine.  I think they’re dumb and pointless and incipiently misogynist, but we have them, and we’ve had them for a while, and they’re not going away.  And their prime function is to be cute girls on the sidelines in case the game isn’t worth watching.  (Yes, that is their prime function.  No, they do not lead cheers.  No, it is not a sport.  Yes, you are merely lying to yourself.)

Less blond, still appallingly handsome.

But, even if we have accepted that, we can still draw a line.  Cheerleaders are supposed to be attractive.  This does not mean they have to dress like street-walkers.  And they shouldn’t, because that makes a bad thing worse.  We don’t have to return to Sandra Dee poodle skirts and sweaters, but the USC Song Girls don’t dress like prostitutes, and I think everyone is on board with their vibe.  There are places other than football games to see women take their clothes off, if that’s your thing.

And, hey, sportswriters?  It’s not cool to insinuate that cheerleaders are skanks anyway, so that no one, least of all the cheerleaders themselves, is allowed to complain about the outfits.

In other, way better news, Fernando Torres seems to be less injured and scored two against Chelsea at the weekend, so as a good conduct prize we’ll spot you a photo.



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Yes, you cry more when Old Yeller bites it than when pretty much any person dies in any movie.  This is okay, because, and this is important, it is not real life.

Animal abuse is reprehensible.  Mr. Vick was a bad person and is a convicted criminal.  However.  Hurting a human being is always–always–worse than hurting an animal.  And before you get all pissy at me because Mr. Roethlisberger has not been charged with anything, nor convicted, and therefore I should assume innocent until whatever: you’re an idiot.  He is disgusting and no one with any sort of brain or morals thinks otherwise.  His suspension should have clued you in on this point.

Let me share with you an anecdote.  I was in a bar watching a game.  In this bar there was a small woman wearing a Roethlisberger jersey.  This was last week.  It boggled my mind.  Even if Mr. Roethlisberger is not a convicted rapist, he has shown a distinct pattern of horrifying and probably criminal contempt for women.  No one should wear his jersey, but empathetically (if not intellectually) it is worse on a woman.  But then this woman proceeded to make fun of Mr. Vick for his jail time.


At least he’s done his jail time.  At least he appears to be openly repentant.  Sure, maybe he’s the same scummy guy who abused dogs.  I don’t know, and neither do you.  But at least he thinks it’s worth it to seem publicly sorry.  This means he can at least recognize decency, which puts him rather ahead of Mr. Roethlisberger.

People protested against Mr. Vick when he returned to the NFL, even though he had technically paid the societal penalty for his crimes.  Maybe you don’t think it’s enough.  Well, fine.  But those were dogs.  Mr. Roethlisberger hurt human beings, and a four-game suspension from the NFL is certainly not enough.  But there’s nary a peep.  When he returned to the team he was hailed as a conquering hero, as though he had recovered from a catastrophic injury or something, instead of having served a suspension for vile behavior.

Our priorities are appalling.

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Lines I do not want to see ever in an article on golf:

“[Tiger]’s still my favorite golfer,” the 6-year-old said. “I don’t care what he did.”

So, thanks for that, David Newton.

Your 6-year-old has no capacity to evaluate this situation.  I hope.  You should not ask him to evaluate this situation.  Because that would involve telling him about it.  Which is really not appropriate.

I understand the difficulty here: you may not want your child to grow up idolizing Tiger Woods, simply because Mr. Woods is an excellent golfer, because you think that Mr. Woods is a skeezeball.  This is awkward, because the details are not the sort of thing you tell your 6-year-old and, moreover, your 6-year-old has no frame of reference for these details.

My suggestion?  Prompt him to like a different, more admirable golfer.  Also, don’t let him talk to creepy reporters who ask him questions he should not be able to answer.

Still hot. Still pantheriffic.

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